mary

i’m just a normal girl. from a normal town. my parents have taught me well – to love God. to be good.

and i’ve always dreamed about the day i would get married. doesn’t every girl? i’ve always imagined my wedding day. and what it would be like to have a family of my own.

i didn’t.. i just didn’t imagine it.. like this.

i wanted to wait until i was actually married before i got pregnant. i wanted.. the fairytale. i guess i just expected everything to be ‘clean’ and ‘perfect’.

i don’t think people will look at this and think clean and perfect. they will think ‘tragic’ and ‘family embarrassment’ and ‘hide her away’.

even i think that. sometimes. that it might be easier to hide this. i mean, who would believe it?

“how can this be?” that’s what i said when i found out. how can this be?

who would believe i had never been with a man? but more than that. more than the physical. how can this be that i would find such favor?

i’m human! i think selfish thoughts! i sin! how can it be, then, that a sinful girl would bear a baby boy who would never know sin? who would rescue me from my own? i would give life to my own life-giver?

even now, it is hard to wrap my head around the idea. how do i care for this baby who is greater than myself? how do i dry the eyes that see so far into mine?

i am unworthy. my fears almost drown me. my inexperience frightens me.

but God sees me. and he is with me. and nothing – nothing! – is impossible with him.

may it be then. let it all happen. i will not hide!

because this isn’t about me. it’s so much bigger than me. it’s about Jesus, my son my savior and my God.

it’s about a love so big it can turn a normal girl’s life into something people will not consider tragic, but blessed. his overcoming, rescuing, nothing-is-impossible-for-him love. that’s what it’s about. not me.

my name is mary
and i am second